How Far Are You Willing to Love?: Including isn’t Agreeing

 I loved this talk by Ben Schilaty. 

How Far Are You Willing to Love?: Including isn’t Agreeing | Ben Schilaty | TEDxBYU
https://youtu.be/63lwcxP8ZVQ

Years ago I read his blog regularly.  http://benschilaty.blogspot.com/

Love God, Love my Neighbor, "On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." Matthew 22:40 https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/matt/22.40?lang=eng#p40

His talk reminded me of this video of Dallin H. Oaks, "Love and Law", https://youtu.be/SsrZ1XqwQlg

Love, Law and Illegal Immigration

The church I belong to  released this statement, 18 Jun 2018.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has long expressed its position that immigration reform should strengthen families and keep them together. The forced separation of children from their parents now occurring at the U.S.-Mexico border is harmful to families, especially to young children. We are deeply troubled by the aggressive and insensitive treatment of these families. While we recognize the right of all nations to enforce their laws and secure their borders, we encourage our national leaders to take swift action to correct this situation and seek for rational, compassionate solutions.

President Dallin H. Oaks spoke on "The Paradox of Love and Law" (Official Transcript, Page to dowload MP3, MP3)

Wife Never Expected Her Husband To Do This When Their Marriage Was Coming To An End. This Is Gold.

Wife Never Expected Her Husband To Do This When Their Marriage Was Coming To An End. This Is Gold.
Richard Paul Evans
Posted by Untold Stories on Wednesday, June 19, 2019

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Love and Law

We need to be loving and respect the commandments of God.

https://youtu.be/SsrZ1XqwQlg

From the video of Dallin H. Oaks from Oct 2016:

As Latter-day Saints, many of us (not all of us) but many of us are inclined to insist on the law and do so in an unloving way. 

I receive many letters from people who are devastated at the choices being made by someone in their family. And they say, "What are we to do?" And the first thing I always suggest is keep loving them. In the end, that is something you can always do. 

We have to have in mind, the commandments of the Lord, which I'll refer to as the law and also the great commandment to love one another. And those will come into conflict when someone we associate with is not keeping the commandments or keeping the law. That makes is harder for us to associate with them and to love them. And yet if we love the individual, and at the same time, keep a tight hold on what we know to be our responsibilities to the law, it's possible to do so. 

We benefit by having people among us from different backgrounds. And the challenge of having people among us who bring a different point of view, a different background, different ways of thinking, different values to some extent, it's great. And it's a personal benefit for our progress. 

We should not start off our interaction with people who are making different choices than we desire, by arguing about their choices. It's better for us to start off talking about, "Where are you coming from? What are your basic values? What do you want to accomplish?" Then in that context, we can explain that we are concerned about the Lord's commandments. Because what's important to us is to stay on the path to Eternal Life. 

We are given commandments. When we obey those commandments, we are obedient. The consequence of being obedient to commandments is to put ourselves in harmony with the eternal law that permits us to grow and progress toward eternal life. 

The Savior commanded his followers to "love one another as I have loved you". So we look at how He loved us. He sacrificed himself for us. He was concerned always with the individual. He had a wonderful outreach for people. I think those are all indicators of how we can love one another like He loved us. If we make him our role model, we should always be trying to reach out to include everyone.

This video is featured on  https://mormonandgay.lds.org


"I will speak of restored, gospel truths that are fundamental to the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Please consider these truths carefully. They explain much about our doctrine and practices perhaps including some things not yet understood." (Sat Morning Session talk by Dallin H. Oaks,  6 Oct 2018, Timestamp 3:35)

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith." (“Lord, I Believe”, Jeffrey R. Holland, Apr 2013)

I love you and I don't want you to go

These words struck me as I imagined Jesus saying them to me.

"Take my words, read 'em every day, keep 'em close by, don't you let 'em fade away,
So you'll remember what I forgot to say, write this down.
Oh I love you and I don't want you to go"


Then I thought of this,

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me. (Isaiah 49:16)

And this,

Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.” ("His Grace Is Sufficient", Brad Wilcox, 12 Jul 2011)

#lovechallenge

From a FB Post of mine.

I was challenged by Jerame to post photos with my loving spouse/significant other for 7 days and tag 2 people each day to keep the celebration of love and promotion of all kinds of love going. 

I am adding an extra post today to acknowledge that some are hurt by being reminded that they do not have a relationship or do not have the kind of relationship they want.  

I know that I am not the husband that I could be. I am a work in progress.  

I choose to participate because I think this is a work worth campaigning for. Love always wins. Love is alive and must be nourished and fought for.  

We may not have a special relationship right now. Or the kind of one we hope for. We must hold up the standard, the ideal as a way to turn our eyes to the heavens. To see what might be possible and choose to work for it.  

#lovechallenge

The Truth Shall Set You Free

Joe: How do you know?
Quince: Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's OK.
Joe: It's not just one thing, it's just an idea Joe... um
It's like, you know each other's secrets...you're deepest, darkest secrets.
Joe: You're deepest darkest secrets?
Quince: Yeah, and then your free.
Joe: Free?
Quince: You're free, you're free to love each other completely, totally. No fear... There's nothing that you don't know about each other and it's, it's OK.

Why Does Evil Exist?

A fantastic explanation of moral agency and God's love. Be prepared to think deeply.
From https://www.facebook.com/uju.okezuruonye/videos/984682531597413/

If God exists, why doesn't He stop rapists from raping?Why doesn't He stop suicide bombers from bombing?Shay He has all the power?Abi is He indifferent?Then, why worship Him?Are these your questions?Dr Zacharias, by the Holy Spirit, doth answer thee.Watch.PS:Seated beside Daddy Ravi is Professor John Lennox, a British Mathematician, Philosopher of Science, Christian Apologist and Professor of Mathematics at the University of Oxford.God's gat people, mehn.God's gat people.😎
Posted by Uju Okorie on Tuesday, February 16, 2016

"Lord to whom shall we go?"

A good friend of mine asked me what I thought of the interview Tom Christofferson had with Rational Faiths. This is what I wrote her.

From the interview

RF: Some people have said this is the last straw, and they’ve written their resignation letters and others are preparing to do the same thing. They just feel like this is a dividing line and the church doesn’t want people like me and I don’t want to be part of church that is like this. 

Tom: I’ve also been thinking: where is the way forward for me? I was in CA on business and flying back to SLC last night and my phone blew up, and I was trying to sort it through. On the plane when I had a few moments to myself I turned to the scriptures and I turned to John 6. I love that chapter: the Savior feeds 5000, the storm on the Sea of Gallilee and Jesus walking on water, people who knew him in his hometown couldn’t get him being the Savior because he’s the brother of their friends, and at the synagogue in Capernaum people said, “These are hard things and who can hear them?” And He turns to His apostle and says, “Will ye also go away?” 

The next line is so Peter, he responds, a ringing declaration and testimony, “Lord to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life,” and when I was reading it last night on the plane it came to me so differently. Peter could also be saying, “Yes, Lord, these are hard things, and I don’t understand them; but I know what I feel and thou hast the words of eternal life.” And that’s where I am. I know what I have felt about the Book of Mormons and Joseph Smith, and I particularly know how I feel about the Savior and the prayers and inspiration I’ve had. So for me these are hard things that I don’t understand, but I know where the words of eternal life are. So all I can do is try to walk in the path of faith and hope that someday I will better understand or that all of us will have a different understanding and move forward to a different place.

I like Tom have asked myself, "Will I too go away?" I ultimately come to the same answer Peter and Tom have to Jesus and his authorized servants. "Lord to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life”

I feel strength and compassion and caring and an unwavering dedication to the truth and what the Lord has revealed. I feel and get this from the 15 prophets, seers and revelators. I get this from my bishop and stake president.

I am sure that the restoration of the gospel is ongoing. There is a passage that a good friend of mine turned me to.

And as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the good and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the bad thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish, and I lose the trees of my vineyard.
(Jacob 5:65 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/5.65?lang=eng#64 )

I believe that the church is being pruned today as it has always been. The servants of the Lord with all their human frailties clear away the branches that produce bitter fruit. They do it according to the strength of the roots.

God is wise and patient and all will be turned to for good. I do not know many things in connection with homosexuality and its relationship to the church and eternal life. I do not think that the brethren know all there is to know. I trust the timeline of the Lord.

I will not look to a possible future that I think will be and judge today's day according to that standard. I see what that has done for me and others when I looked back to polygamy and the accessibility of the priesthood. I choose to be charitable to the current leaders, to me and to those advocating that the church adopt a more inclusive approach to gay who chose to marry.

I feel settled in that I will follow the united word of the 15 men in the leading councils of the church. I choose to believe that they are carrying out the will of God in connection to their calling in His church.

I do not know what the future will hold with the official relationship between the LDS church and gay marriage. I know love will chart the best possible one.

Lastly I say that the answer is love. True love. Love that Jesus demonstrated to all humans. Love heals all. Love brings power and knowledge and all that is Good and True.

5 Love Languages

If love is the greatest force in the Universe then it would benefit us to express it in a way that the receiver is tuned into. Here are 5 love languages that can help us in our practice.

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical Touch

More detail at "Understanding the Five Love Languages"

Love is the Answer

My son wrote a touching letter last week. Love is the answer. It really does not matter what the question is, love is usually the answer whether we answer in words or service or prayer.

Love is the reason why I trusted my parents when they taught me about Jesus. So that I would be willing to test his words in my life and develop my own testimony independent from them.

Love was the answer in my darkest hours. The love of God I felt when I prayed. The love of my wife and family. It was a reflection of the love of God.

God wants to mold us like clay. If we allow him to, he will shape us into what we cannot yet imagine. But the analogy is lacking. We are not objects to be acted upon. We are agents to act for ourselves. If we are willing, we will partner with God to forge our own path with Him. A path of service and love and ministering. Full of meaning and joy.

We just have to be willing to work hand in hand with our Father.

Diluting the Purity of Divine Truth

How Do We Become True Disciples of Jesus Christ?

The Savior Himself provided the answer with this profound declaration: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” This is the essence of what it means to be a true disciple: those who receive Christ Jesus walk with Him.

But this may present a problem for some because there are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person’s good idea—something that may work for him or her—takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of “good ideas.”

This was one of the Savior’s criticisms of the religious “experts” of His day, whom He chastised for attending to the hundreds of minor details of the law while neglecting the weightier matters.
("The Love of God", Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Oct 2009)

Watch Over them with Tenderness

I have a friend who has a 16 year old son who is an atheist. Here is some of the things I thought of to help them.

I am not sure what Moroni did to "[prepare] the minds of the people to be faithful unto the Lord their God"
(Alma 47:7) As I consider it, I think of this quote from Joseph Smith,

Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind. (Joseph Smith, Nauvoo Relief Society Minute Book, p. 59, History of the Church, 5:23–24.)

Moroni said, "Charity never faileth". So we must all pray with all the energy of our hearts that we may be filled with this love. Pray for your son. Serve him. Ask the Lord, in what ways you might be able to touch his heart, or that others might be placed in his path so his heart might be touched. I like this modern casting of Charity never faileth, "Love Wins!"

I know the deepest and longest lasting effects in my life have come from when those close to me loved me, forgave me and served me.

And trust in the Lord. There is no need to despair when we have faith in the Lord's timeline. To me that may be one of the keys of "charity never faileth". The Lord is patient with us. He will reach out as often as we reach out to him. Your son will be blessed by your faithfulness, if you will pour out your soul to God for him.

I love the symbolism of this painting by Michelangelo. Adam is pretty casual in the way he reaches to God. God is stretching as far as he can to reach him.

We Are Nothing Without Love

This quote from Elder Osguthorpe has brought a lot to my mind.

The adversary’s goal was to take away our agency and thereby make it impossible for us to love, because it is impossible to love unless we choose to love. Love must come from within. It cannot be forced upon us. So for purposes of his own selfish aims, the adversary would have made it impossible for us to keep the first two commandments. He would have made us into nothing. ("What if Love Were Our Only Motive?", Russell T. Osguthorpe, BYU Devotional, Mar 8, 2011)

Why would we be nothing if not for the ability to love? Love is so valuable because it cannot be forced. It is the only thing that we can give that truly comes from ourselves. Everything else comes from the earth, our ancestors, in short, from God. Our ability to choose good from evil is a gift from God. Love is how we reward God for his trust in us.

What if Love Were Our Only Motive?

This is a great talk that my bishop has referred to a few times. He tells several stories of pure love.
- A home teacher that sent a card every month for over 20 years. The receiver knew who to go to when his wife of 30 years passed away.
- A student that took an assignment that would receive no credit. He told them that as missionaries, they would challenged to meet many new people every day. They were assigned to meet as many new people they could, not just say hello but have a conversation. One student talked to 72 new people in a week. When asked how he did it, he said that he had to wait in several lines that week. He asked the one next to him in line if they would hold his spot. He then would go down the line and talk to as many people as were willing. He said that he met some people he thought would become life-long friends.

As he was finishing, he described the difference between the two plans before the earth was created.  I had not thought of them in these terms before.

Every act of the Savior on earth was done out of love. Even in the great premortal council His offer to the Father was motivated by love for others, while the adversary’s was motivated by selfishness. The Savior’s mission was to give us life by allowing us to choose to love the Lord and follow Him. (See Moses 4:1–3.) The adversary’s goal was to take away our agency and thereby make it impossible for us to love, because it is impossible to love unless we choose to love. Love must come from within. It cannot be forced upon us. So for purposes of his own selfish aims, the adversary would have made it impossible for us to keep the first two commandments. He would have made us into nothing. ("What if Love Were Our Only Motive?", Russell T. Osguthorpe, BYU Devotional, Mar 8, 2011)

My life has been changed by love. It has been the only meaningful positive influence in my life. Perhaps because it is one thing that cannot be forced. Only given. My wife and many others have influenced me for good. I hope to do so for many others. I hope to retain the gifts given to me by God through the loving children I have had the privilege to have in my life.

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Here is a link to the part of the talks that goes with this quote.

What if all the words we spoke were motivated by love?
...
Every act of the Savior on earth was done out of love. Even in the great premortal council His offer to the Father was motivated by love for others, while the adversary’s was motivated by selfishness. The Savior’s mission was to give us life by allowing us to choose to love the Lord and follow Him. (See Moses 4:1–3.) The adversary’s goal was to take away our agency and thereby make it impossible for us to love, because it is impossible to love unless we choose to love. Love must come from within. It cannot be forced upon us. So for purposes of his own selfish aims, the adversary would have made it impossible for us to keep the first two commandments. He would have made us into nothing

Be at the Forefront in terms of Expressing Love

Elder Quentin L. Cook in an emotional interview about a sensitive subject.

Clearly the hardest thing that I had when I was stake president is I was president when AIDS, the medical community first became aware of AIDS. We had a significant number of our men who found that they had AIDS, some of them had not been in the Church, the majority of them, a few had we found that we had seventeen men with AIDS and at that point there was no cure. And all seventeen of them ultimately died of AIDS while I was stake president. I learned some incredible lessons through that process, that as a Mormon community, it’s a loving and compassionate community. I watched Bishops who made incredible sacrifices to take care of some of these young men who were dying. I watched them try very hard to reconnect them with their families and to have their families take care of them, and again at that time there was no cure, and no abeyance of it. I watched them take care of each other. And I watched some of them, one of them comes to mind in particular, a returned missionary, in a single incidence of conduct, took it upon himself to take care of the most difficult situations, those that were the most ill, and he was the last one to die. I think the lesson that I learned from that is that as a Church nobody should be more loving and compassionate. No family who has anybody who has a same-gender issue should exclude them from the family circle. They need to be part of the family circle. Do we teach the Proclamation on the Family, do we teach Heavenly Father’s plan, do we teach the first chapter in the second handbook, yes we do. We have a plan of salvation. And having children come into our lives is part of Heavenly Father’s plan. But let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion, and outreach to those and lets not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender. I’m sorry, I feel very strongly about this as you can tell. I think it’s a very important principle. (Quentin L. Cook, video on mormonsandgays.org)

We can endure almost anything...

"We can endure almost anything if we have someone by our side who really loves us."
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

One of my earliest memories is my mother singing this song to me as she rocked me to sleep. My older sister told me that she would sing it to their children but used each of their names instead of Bonnie. My wife and I have done so with our children too. A few nights ago as I was putting one of my children to bed I asked her if she knew why I sing this song to her.

Years ago as I was singing this song something came to my mind. An image of my child over the ocean and over the sea.  I recognized that I only have so much influence over my child. That their agency, their will, is so paramount that even God would not breech it. Our moral choice is really the only thing we have that is truly our own.  It is the only thing we can give to God. It is granted to us by God and He will never, ever force it from us. It is the root of love. That we are willing to give our heart, might, mind and strength to what we will.

So as I think of my children, over the ocean and over the sea. What I ask the Lord through this song is that He bring them back to me. Or that through His grace, the gospel of peace might be brought unto but not into the hearts of my children. And that through one and many cases the most sacred of moments, that my children will open their hearts and give space for the word of God in their lives. That they will recognize the value of the word and nurture it in their lives. That they will begin to see the word growing in them. Changing their nature from a fallen one to a spiritual one. That it opens a world of gratitude, and love and service throughout a lifetime.

That through their lives they might become the sons and daughters of God. Born again as children of Christ. He being the Father of their new lives. That they give their whole soul as an offering to God and be sealed to him and to each other for ever and ever.

My prayer continues that I might keep myself in remembrance of the covenants that I have made. Of the change of heart I have experienced. That I might preserve this change of heart. This tree of life in my soul that brings me hope and life and light. That I might continue to bind myself to God and to those who love Him. That I might continue in service and love as my wife and children and parents and on and on from generations long ago to generations to come. Joined in a link that connects all the sons of Adam and Eve. Joining all who will Come unto Him. That our hearts will forever be turned towards God and each other.

This is my prayer. This is what my heart yearns for as I sing this song to my children. As I heard it from my mother.