Bonds of Anguish, Bonds of Love

Years ago I read Bonds of Anguish, Bonds of Love. A 1995 Manuscript by C. Terry Warner.  I learned invaluable life lessons from it.

I have decided to read it again. Here is a quote that I really love from the beginning of chapter 1.

There are two different ways of being a person. One of these precedes the change of heart, and the other follows it. The first is fearful, anxious, resentful, and alienated from other people; the second, open resonant with others, buoyant, straightforward, and secure.

To the extent that we live the second way, we care about others. We do not see them merely in terms of our own interests, as helping or hindering us. They are real to us; we are as sensitive to their feelings and hopes and needs as we are to our own.

Here is the the published book that came from the manuscript, "Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves"

"Make us thy true under-shepherds"

To those who aspire to be true under-shepherds.




Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, LDS Hymn 221

1. Dear to the heart of the Shepherd,
Dear are the sheep of his fold;
Dear is the love that he gives them,
Dearer than silver or gold.
Dear to the heart of the Shepherd,
Dear are his “other” lost sheep;
Over the mountains he follows,
Over the waters so deep.

[Chorus]
Out in the desert they wander,
Hungry and helpless and cold;
Off to the rescue he hastens, (4th verse) we’ll hasten,
Bringing them back to the fold.

2. Dear to the heart of the Shepherd,
Dear are the lambs of his fold;
Some from the pastures are straying,
Hungry and helpless and cold.
See, the Good Shepherd is seeking,
Seeking the lambs that are lost,
Bringing them in with rejoicing,
Saved at such infinite cost.

3. Dear to the heart of the Shepherd,
Dear are the “ninety and nine”;
Dear are the sheep that have wandered
Out in the desert to pine.
Hark! he is earnestly calling,
Tenderly pleading today:
“Will you not seek for my lost ones,
Off from my shelter astray?”

4. Green are the pastures inviting;
Sweet are the waters and still.
Lord, we will answer thee gladly,
“Yes, blessed Master, we will!
Make us thy true under-shepherds;
Give us a love that is deep.
Send us out into the desert,
Seeking thy wandering sheep.”

Learn, Act, Share

Learn, act and share are the three words that sum up the Duty to God program in my church.

1. I learn what God considers my duty to Him.
2. I humbly accept these duties and begin to act to fulfill them.
3. I share the challenges I have had when I have fallen short. I share the blessings I have received when I am successful.

Rinse and repeat +infinity.  What greater recipe is there?  It points to a fullness of joy and progress and Life Eternal.

"The proud are easily offended and hold grudges"

From Ezra Taft Benson, “Beware of Pride” Apr, 1989

Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride. 

Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” (Prov. 13:10; see also Prov. 28:25.) 

The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.
…
Pride is the universal sin, the great vice. Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice.

I am amazed at how universally applicable this principle is.  Pride, as defined in the scriptures, is the root of all sin.

Perfection in our Church Leaders

Do we expect too much perfection in our leaders?

One of my church leaders, one I trust and love, made a technical error about the scriptures. He talked about how Nephi went and got ore and melted it to make a new, metal bow to get food for his family. In reality, Nephi made a bow out of wood (1 Ne 16:23). Yet this man went on to teach a great lesson about having earnest prayer and not letting ourselves say unmeaningful, repeated prayers.

So what is the greater truth?  A detail about Nephi's bow and arrow story or persuading each other to have meaningful communication with God?

Another leader of mine made a scriptural mistake. He said that Mosiah was 13 years old when he began to reign as king. Mosiah 6:4 says he began to reign in his "thirtieth" year. He was making the point that the Lord does not regard age when calling his servants. He sometimes calls them when they are very young. What he was teaching is correct, look at Samuel, David, Mormon or Joseph Smith.

These two experiences have caused me to think about the nature of our church leaders. We do not have our  leaders professionally trained to be our leaders. They come from all walks of life. What is more important, a leader that will not make technical mistakes about the scriptures? Or leaders that will not make mistakes about the central, spiritual principles of the doctrine of Christ and its main offshoots?

I will go with the latter. Mormons are about changing the heart and soul and hands and mind of humankind.  Leaders that are imperfect perhaps are more approachable. Perhaps their weaknesses are stumbling blocks to the learned.  I will stand with the good leaders of my church any day. I love them. They have my heart, my mind and my shoulders.

Farmers, Atheletes and Musicians

On the way home from our Priesthood Campout, my sons and I listened to Farm Wisdom for City Folks.  It is one of the best talks I have heard.  My dad grew up on a farm and orchard.  His dad supplemented their income from the farm.  When my dad graduated from BYU in the late 60s he got a job in Phoenix.  We lived there for about 10 years.  One of my dad's concerns was that he raise his children well.  One of the main reasons he moved west to the suburb of Peoria was he could get a couple of acres of irrigated land.  He wanted to make sure his children knew how to work.  And that they would grow to love it.

Some of my best memories with my dad were when we were working.  I was pretty little when we built the house in Peoria.  My dad spent at least a year going into work extra early so he would have time to go out to the property and work on something or another.  He did get contractors to dig the basement, and many other large items.  But Dad helped a lot with the electrical system, all of the drywall, taping and painting and I am sure much more.

The younger brothers and I built the work shed he has.  We would pour a little slab of concrete at a time.  I remember using the electric drill to put in hundred of screws to put up the siding and the roof.  Our family vacations were also work.  I think camping is a way to make work fun.  Coming off of our priesthood camp out, I tell you that it is work.  From the planning, packing, setting up camp, breaking it down and all the hiking around.  I remember when mowing the grass turned from being a chore to having a measure of satisfaction in a job well done.  There were many times that I looked forward to mowing.

John Bytheway mentioned talking to a mission president.  He said that if all his missionaries would be farmers, athletes or musicians, 70% of his problems would go away.  He said that each of these pursuits cultivate a certain character in people.  The law of the harvest is in effect.  You cannot plant seed at the beginning of September and expect a harvest by dumping hundreds of gallons of water on it and waiting a few days to harvest.  The same goes for dedicated athletes and musicians.  You have to dedicate yourself to them and incrementally get better and stronger and more skilled.  You have to learn to continue on when you don't feel the progress happening.

President Benson said it this way.

I have often said that one of the greatest secrets of missionary work is work! If a missionary works, he will get the Spirit; if he gets the Spirit, he will teach by the Spirit; and if he teaches by the Spirit, he will touch the hearts of the people and he will be happy. Work, work, work—there is no satisfactory substitute, especially in missionary work.

A second aspect that stood out to me was that we are amusing ourselves to death.  That we are moving generally from a work ethic to an entertainment and welfare ethic.  While I think that it is possible that this is a general trend in our society, there are many, examples that I see of a work ethic and honor in craftsmanship around me.  There are so many that are willing to put in the effort needed to be honorable producers and not just consumers.

Moments of Clarity

There are times when life gives you moments of clarity.  Like tonight when Steph noticed that I moved my hand from her arm to her hand.  You see I sweat easily and her skin gets irritated by it.  She noticed it.  But I didn't.  She told me and we had a tender moment.  I could see that in some ways I am becoming the man I aspire to be.  It was a moment to see the direction I am going.  What I am becoming.

I hope to continue on that path.

It reminds me of the moment in The Matrix when Neo recognizes he has complete control over his virtual surroundings.  Or when Eragon in the Inheritance Cycle series recognizes that he must not become faster in his sword skills, he must only wait for the right moment.  Or Nephi as he stood on the shore working to build the ship God asked him to build.  He said that nothing is impossible for the Lord.  If He asked Nephi to command the water that it be dry ground and if Nephi were to give that command, the water would become dry ground.  Or when Gandalf says to the bellowing balrog, "You. Shall. Not. Pass."

Sometimes I feel that power.  The power of God.  The power of Good.  Mostly I don't feel it that strongly though.  Most of the time is spent doing regular things.  Menial tasks.  The laundry.  The homework.  The grocery shopping.

I am reminded of the pilot who saved the flight that was rising out of an airport in New York City.  He said something to the effect that he went through training his entire career.  He practiced the training and over the years he had built up a reserve that he was able to tap.  When he needed it, it was there.  He tapped his reserves and it came out all right.

That is what I want for my family and friends and community.  I want it to turn out all right.  Ultimately.  Finally. Eternally.  It is so interesting that these destinies come from every day decisions.  That turn into every day habits.  That turn into the character of the people we are.  That determines our destinies.  Our every little decision.  Piled up over our lifetimes.  And eternities before and eternities to come.

My church teaches me that this life is different than what we experienced before.  That in this life, time exists.  There are deadlines.  If you don't meet the deadline, no one saves you.  Or if they do, it's because they have gone above and beyond.  Our lives are messy.  We don't remember our existence before.  We are here to live by faith.  To see through a glass darkly.

We are more mold-able here. We have tabernacles of flesh, maybe that is one reason.  Time causes things to change.  The fall of Adam caused entropy or a tendency for things to go towards chaos.  We must work to retain our lives.

I have not seen the lives we have ahead of us after this life.  I do know that we can improve our lives in the here and now by practicing Goodness.  Be Good according to the dictates of my conscience.  And when I fall short, get, back up and try again.  Allow forgiveness for myself and others.

I have faith in a great life to come.  That never ends for any of us.  We are Eternal beings, spiritually born of The Eternal Being.  Our lives are what we make of them.  The moral choices we make each day.  We can choose happiness or misery.  These don't come in one day but they do come drop by drop, day by day until we obtain an infinity of Goodness by the Grace of God, an exceeding depth of pain and bitterness, or somewhere in between.

So what choose you?  I choose life and life more abundantly.  But each day will be the verifier.  Choose each day to keep trusting in God.  To allow happiness in my tasks.  To lean into the work I have to do.  All with a prayer of gratitude for the chance to experience it and to do my part to pass it on.

Trust in the Lord

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5)

I love the three things I focus on when life gets hard:
- Trust God
- Be Happy
- Work Hard

Trusting in the Lord means that I expect the Lord to fulfill His promises whether now or in eternity.

Choose to be happy in the situation I am in
Work hard doing what the Lord wants me to do.

Letters to Loved Ones

There were two talks in General Conference this April that spoke about letters to loved ones: "Willing and Worthy to Serve" by President Monson and "Was It Worth It?" by David F. Evans.  I also read a news article recently that asked if our social media makes us lonely.

It has caused me to think of my letter writing habits. Also my social media habits. I asked myself if my interactions were meaningful online. Also if my habits in real life are fostering strong relationships. I have three teenagers now. They will soon be out of my home. Am I creating the relationship I want with them as they become adults? Am I investing in my relationship with my wife so it can blossom and bear good fruit?

There is a lady in our ward that has spoken of letters she received from her grandma. There were a lot of them.  They were encouraging to her. She thought she was the only grandchild to receive them.  Her grandma sent similar letters to all her grandchildren.

I want rich relationships with my family and friends. I have decided to write a few more letters to those I love. And make my time in real life more meaningful. I am grateful for the messages in General Conference and the other things that have led me to this.