There are times when life gives you moments of clarity. Like tonight when Steph noticed that I moved my hand from her arm to her hand. You see I sweat easily and her skin gets irritated by it. She noticed it. But I didn't. She told me and we had a tender moment. I could see that in some ways I am becoming the man I aspire to be. It was a moment to see the direction I am going. What I am becoming.
I hope to continue on that path.
It reminds me of the moment in The Matrix when Neo recognizes he has complete control over his virtual surroundings. Or when Eragon in the Inheritance Cycle series recognizes that he must not become faster in his sword skills, he must only wait for the right moment. Or Nephi as he stood on the shore working to build the ship God asked him to build. He said that nothing is impossible for the Lord. If He asked Nephi to command the water that it be dry ground and if Nephi were to give that command, the water would become dry ground. Or when Gandalf says to the bellowing balrog, "You. Shall. Not. Pass."
Sometimes I feel that power. The power of God. The power of Good. Mostly I don't feel it that strongly though. Most of the time is spent doing regular things. Menial tasks. The laundry. The homework. The grocery shopping.
I am reminded of the pilot who saved the flight that was rising out of an airport in New York City. He said something to the effect that he went through training his entire career. He practiced the training and over the years he had built up a reserve that he was able to tap. When he needed it, it was there. He tapped his reserves and it came out all right.
That is what I want for my family and friends and community. I want it to turn out all right. Ultimately. Finally. Eternally. It is so interesting that these destinies come from every day decisions. That turn into every day habits. That turn into the character of the people we are. That determines our destinies. Our every little decision. Piled up over our lifetimes. And eternities before and eternities to come.
My church teaches me that this life is different than what we experienced before. That in this life, time exists. There are deadlines. If you don't meet the deadline, no one saves you. Or if they do, it's because they have gone above and beyond. Our lives are messy. We don't remember our existence before. We are here to live by faith. To see through a glass darkly.
We are more mold-able here. We have tabernacles of flesh, maybe that is one reason. Time causes things to change. The fall of Adam caused entropy or a tendency for things to go towards chaos. We must work to retain our lives.
I have not seen the lives we have ahead of us after this life. I do know that we can improve our lives in the here and now by practicing Goodness. Be Good according to the dictates of my conscience. And when I fall short, get, back up and try again. Allow forgiveness for myself and others.
I have faith in a great life to come. That never ends for any of us. We are Eternal beings, spiritually born of The Eternal Being. Our lives are what we make of them. The moral choices we make each day. We can choose happiness or misery. These don't come in one day but they do come drop by drop, day by day until we obtain an infinity of Goodness by the Grace of God, an exceeding depth of pain and bitterness, or somewhere in between.
So what choose you? I choose life and life more abundantly. But each day will be the verifier. Choose each day to keep trusting in God. To allow happiness in my tasks. To lean into the work I have to do. All with a prayer of gratitude for the chance to experience it and to do my part to pass it on.