Where does that place me? Am I to be damned? Perhaps if I continue down that path of rebellion. To insist that God do things on my timetable. To throw a fit when things don't turn out the way I want.
There is joy in salvation of God. Salvation that occurs right now. The one that immediately comes to me as I turn my heart to Him. By my own free will, surrender anything that keeps me from communion with Him. Give up anything that would keep me from benefiting from living a life as He would.
How does this transformation take place? Immediately, yes, there are moments when I feel contrition. I feel His love as I recommit to do better. I am empowered by his Grace. He says to me, "Go and sin no more". Then there is the everyday fulfilling of my promise. Did I do a little better today than yesterday? Do I have the integrity to admit when I messed up to those involved? How long do I take to repent? Is it a matter of seconds, minutes, days, decades?
Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I feel there is too much to do. I cannot fulfill all my commitments. I do best at these times to remember to do something good. If I cannot do everything, do something. Make myself busy keeping my word.
As I listened to Alma 7, I thought about these things.
Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his commandments, and witness it unto him this day by going into the waters of baptismThe phrase "which doth easily beset" caught in my mind. I remembered that I need to prioritize my repentance. Work on the things that most easily trip me up. Improve on those things that help me to improve in other things. Things such as communion in prayer. Searching the scriptures. Having a meaningful sacrament. Improving my relationships with my wife and children.
When I am feeling down, it gives me hope when I think of doing one thing. One thing to improve. One thing to be busy about. I often think of the scripture at D&C 123:17. To cheerfully do.
Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance to see the salvation of God and for his arm to be revealedWhen I do my best, I feel confident that the Lord will protect me spiritually. If need be, legions of angels are at my need to bear me up. To strengthen me as the Savior was in Gethsemane. He asked for and received the help he needed. Elisha asked the Lord to open the eyes of his servant so he might see the physical protection the Lord provided 1 Kings 6:15-17.
15 And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?