Personal Online Journal

Friday, August 07, 2009

Breaking the unhealthy dance

My sister in law sent me a link to Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear. It reminded me of my Arbinger Institute training I did many years ago. If I am not careful, I can contribute to unhealthy attitudes in my relationships. I can dance with them so that they feel justified in bad behavior. Their behavior fits into my deception so I can also behave badly.

This story reminded me of the way to break that cycle. She didn't dance that unhealthy dance. She got out of the way of the issues her husband was having. She was patient and loving and independent. I like how she summed it up at the end,

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.
I also like this bit.
it’s not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

1 comment:

Jim said...

Rich, I enjoyed this post and your concise summary of the Bonds that Make Us Free. I am re-reading this book now in hopes of improving my relationships.