I was at the missionary prep class for our stake this morning. I stopped to talk with some friends I made when we were in the same ward. I told them how much I enjoyed attending. I felt privileged to attend. I saw the power and sincerity and earnestness of those there. Both young and old. I felt like it is where I belong.
I asked them about their brother Randy. Randy is a friend of mine that left the Mormon church after discovering things that were disturbing to him. (Click here for more on that). I told them about my friend Sam Meacham who died earlier this year. Sam also left the Mormon church. I said that I had given up worrying about Sam and worrying about Randy. Worrying about their souls.
These are both good men. Who love their wives and are good fathers. They both chose that Mormonism didn't work for them. They are honest of heart and chose to see the ridiculous in the LDS faith. They both experienced the pain that can come from believing wholeheartedly and then having that belief come unraveled.
I believe in a patient God. I believe in a God that will wait for his children to choose to come to Him. I recognize that this is a story I told myself. I choose to believe it because I choose to believe it.
God either exists or does not. God is either like the LDS leader teaches He is or he is not. What matters most to me right now is that I live in a wholehearted manner. That I live with authenticity. I get to decide what is important to me. I can chose being powerful in causing transformation in the world.
I am becoming more and more aware of the amazing people that exist all around me. They are the people I meet each day. I was blind to them because I was so caught up in looking good and avoiding looking bad. I haven't stopped trying. What is making the difference to me is that I am aware that I still try to look good and avoid looking bad.
These amazing people are my wife , my children, my neighbors on my block. The scouts in our deacon's quorum. They are accountants and Buddhists and atheists and electricians. They are the humans I talk with.
I am caught in the paradox of the urgency of the salvation of souls with the patience of God. The paradox of sucking out the marrow of life and the peace of meditation.
I love my life and I give up worrying about my friends who are not Mormon. Or who have given up Mormonism. God is patient. If I have somehow found myself in the Cosmic truth we all are to accept to realize our highest potential, so be it. I recognize the absurdity that 90% of other truth seekers think that their truth is the way.
I belong where I belong because, from nothing, I say it is so. Love and grace and peace will come to the world because I say so. I willingly join arm in arm with all humans everywhere who also want peace and power and transformation of every woman, man and child on the planet.
I give up worry and I choose the urgency of transforming of the world, now.
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