World Wide Wed: Beyond 'Till Death Do Us Part"

A Facebook show highlighted a Mormon Wedding


"An old adage says to marry your best friend, and Sergio and Melissa lucked out. After years of saying that the two should just date, Sergio finally asked Melissa to marry him — and the rest is history. But marriage between two members of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does come with some caveats. To get married in The Temple, the couple and their loved ones must follow a certain set of rules. Find out how Sergio and Melissa navigated this conundrum and witness what it takes to build a family that lasts beyond death."

Mormons and Landmark

I took the Landmark Forum course in May 2015. I am still doing the 10 seminar follow up sessions they offer to help retain it. I took the advanced course in July 2015. What I offer here is from my perspective and how I have gotten my training from Landmark and in context with my understanding of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

Landmark does not advocate or belittle religion or faith. They do not address it at all except when brought up by a participant. I will say that there certainly were a few things that challenged my perspective. I feel mostly resolved with that. One of the best things I heard was from my forum leader. At the end of the 3 days, she said that anything she had said that did not work for us, she takes it back.

I have felt free from shame I have felt for years. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt is "I did something wrong". Shame is "I am something wrong". I have learned that I have been bringing along my past and basing my future on it. I have not been allowing the atonement to free me from the bonds of sin. I accept the sacrifice of Jesus and seek to continue to remember him according to the covenants I take every week at my ward.

What I discovered is that the shame I feel is what I have told myself. It is possible that there are temptations from other sources as well, I just am not confident that I can tell what comes from my own mind and what might be coming from below. Either way, many of the things I have heard from the conversation from my head are not real.

The past is not real. I cannot touch it. The only way that it affects my now is if I remember it and believe it. I can choose to keep things from my past that work well for me. Among the best is my testimony of Jesus Christ that was fed from my study of the scriptures in seminary. This includes the many other distinct teachings of the LDS church, the benefit of the fall, the several degrees of glory, bonds of love in family made effective by sealing. All administered by the actual authority from God given to men on earth from actual, physical angelic visits to earth.

The things I can let go are those that do not work for me. Do not help me live a healthy life unfettered to do the good I feel inspired to do. I do not have to believe what I told myself as a 6 year old boy that keeps me from being open emotionally to those closest to me. I do not have to believe what I told myself as a 12 year old boy that in order to compensate for not fitting in, I can be smart. I can be any number of things that include being smart. I could go on.

In my advanced course, I learned that I was working against our marriage. I had not been willing to be open with my wife. I took the courage to break through that. I said I was for a united marriage and I went ahead with plans I had not discussed with my sweet wife. I am shifting in this. I am committed to creating the marriage that the sealer created in word when we were sealed.

I am for removing the barriers between my Mormon and Landmark communities. I am not sure what will happen as they drop. I am confident that as I continue in this work, that my trusted friends and family and the whisperings of the Spirit will open my eyes to any blind spots out of sight. I have asked them to do so. I ask you to as well.

What Needs to Change

Same gender attraction presents many issues and questions in society at large. These include what causes it, whether it is subject to change in kind or degree, and whether, or the extent of which, laws like marriage should accommodate it. Our discussion is limited to two related questions we sometimes hear in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What does our doctrine teach us about how family members and church members should treat one another when one of their members is struggling with some of these issues, and how can we help members of the church who struggle with same-gender attractions, but want to remain active and fully engaged in the church? 

This same topic was discussed with all of the general authorities of the church in April of 2012. We will not discuss any of the multitude of other issues and questions. There is so much we don’t understand about this subject, that we’d do well to stay close to what we know from the revealed word of God. What we do know is that the doctrine of the church, that sexual activity should only occur between a man and a woman who are married, has not changed and is not changing. But what is changing and what needs to change is to help our own members and families understand how to deal with same gender attraction. (Dallin Oaks, www.mormonsandgays.org)

A Sea Change in the Relationships of Gays and Mormons

I am open to the possibility of a sea change in my reality. I had a conversation with a good friend on Saturday. A new, good friend who happens to be gay. This is what I wrote after talking to him.

I pretend I know the truth about being gay when I don't. The result is that I don't have anyone close to me that is gay. I am keeping myself from the access of one way I can find out what is real about being gay. About what the word marriage means in connection to those that are gay.

Wow. This floored me. I am not yet willing to accept this statement. I am willing to try it on. Consider it. Investigate such that my tests for truth will bear out if it is true or not.