Manage my social media experience on Facebook

From a FB Post of my friend Jonathon Max Wilson

I have quite a few friends and family members who are struggling to find the right way to manage their social media experience on Facebook. Many find that they can’t seem to post about their beliefs and views without getting sucked into hours of conflict in the comments. Some have a lot of Facebook “friends” who they don’t really know in real life but that they have accumulated over the years.
Here is the approach I use and which I have recommended to some of my friends. The rest of you might find it helpful as well.
1. Turn on the Facebook option to allow people to follow your public posts even if they are not your friends.
2. Then set the option to only allow friends to comment on your public posts.
3. Then unfriend everyone except for actual friends and family, or other people you are interested in discussing things with.
Everyone who used to be your friend will remain subscribed to your _public_ posts and see them in their newsfeed, but they won’t be able to comment on them.
Actual friends and family will be able to comment.
Anything that you only want friends and family to see and interact with you post to _friends_ only.
People who are interested in following what you have to say can follow your public posts, but won’t be able to harass you with comments.
When people send you friend requests you can ignore them or decline them, and they will still be subscribed to follow your public posts without being friends. But they also won’t be able to comment.
I’ve used this setup for a number of years. With a few exceptions, I only friend people who I have actually met face to face. Others can follow me without being a friend. And when I post, I carefully select which audience the post should be visible to: pubic or just friends.
As an additional recommendation, I suggest that you be aggressive about maintaining the kind of discourse you want in the comments. Don’t hesitate to hide or delete comments that poison the discourse and then direct message the commenter and ask them to try to rewrite their comment in a way conforms to the kind of conversation you want you have.
Also remember that public social media “conversations” aren’t really conversations. They are more like public performances or debates.  Often people are not really interested in understanding your point of view or winning you over to their way of thinking. They comment on your post because they are trying to influence the others who read your post. It is okay to shut down someone who is merely trying to commandeer your post and your audience to push ideas that are contrary to your own.
It is also a good idea to hold a regular social media fast to disengage and decompress.
Hopefully this is helpful for someone. If you decide to try it, let me know how it goes and if it improves your Facebook experience.

 

I'm not arguing that with you

My family loves to debate, both my brothers and sons, my daughters and my wife. And me. We all like to be right. I just read through a bunch of comments on a blog post. I was amazed as both the length and extent of the comments. I was also impressed with the general tone of the comments.

I have to laugh though at our seemingly general tendency to argue as humans. I love this scene from Joe vs. the Volcano. It sums up the futility of some conversations. Especially when every opinion of every person has been clearly expressed at least twice. There is something about some personalities that seem to think that the other does not understand their position. That if they were merely given the chance to express it and ensure that the other really understood it, the other party would be convinced of the truth.

Sometimes we all understand each other. And we just disagree. Sometimes, especially in real life, it is better to let beaten, dead horses lay. Agree to disagree and be done.

I hope to create a new catch phrase among my acquaintances. Something like bite the wax tadpole. "I'm not arguing that with you" should be enough to say. I am pretty sure that I understand your position and you understand mine. We don't agree and I'm OK with that.