This quote from Elder Osguthorpe has brought a lot to my mind.
The adversary’s goal was to take away our agency and thereby make it impossible for us to love, because it is impossible to love unless we choose to love. Love must come from within. It cannot be forced upon us. So for purposes of his own selfish aims, the adversary would have made it impossible for us to keep the first two commandments. He would have made us into nothing. ("What if Love Were Our Only Motive?", Russell T. Osguthorpe, BYU Devotional, Mar 8, 2011)
Why would we be nothing if not for the ability to love? Love is so valuable because it cannot be forced. It is the only thing that we can give that truly comes from ourselves. Everything else comes from the earth, our ancestors, in short, from God. Our ability to choose good from evil is a gift from God. Love is how we reward God for his trust in us.
This is a great talk that my bishop has referred to a few times. He tells several stories of pure love.
- A home teacher that sent a card every month for over 20 years. The receiver knew who to go to when his wife of 30 years passed away.
- A student that took an assignment that would receive no credit. He told them that as missionaries, they would challenged to meet many new people every day. They were assigned to meet as many new people they could, not just say hello but have a conversation. One student talked to 72 new people in a week. When asked how he did it, he said that he had to wait in several lines that week. He asked the one next to him in line if they would hold his spot. He then would go down the line and talk to as many people as were willing. He said that he met some people he thought would become life-long friends.
As he was finishing, he described the difference between the two plans before the earth was created. I had not thought of them in these terms before.
Every act of the Savior on earth was done out of love. Even in the great premortal council His offer to the Father was motivated by love for others, while the adversary’s was motivated by selfishness. The Savior’s mission was to give us life by allowing us to choose to love the Lord and follow Him. (See Moses 4:1–3.) The adversary’s goal was to take away our agency and thereby make it impossible for us to love, because it is impossible to love unless we choose to love. Love must come from within. It cannot be forced upon us. So for purposes of his own selfish aims, the adversary would have made it impossible for us to keep the first two commandments. He would have made us into nothing. ("What if Love Were Our Only Motive?", Russell T. Osguthorpe, BYU Devotional, Mar 8, 2011)
My life has been changed by love. It has been the only meaningful positive influence in my life. Perhaps because it is one thing that cannot be forced. Only given. My wife and many others have influenced me for good. I hope to do so for many others. I hope to retain the gifts given to me by God through the loving children I have had the privilege to have in my life.
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Here is a link to the part of the talks that goes with this quote.
What if all the words we spoke were motivated by love?
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Every act of the Savior on earth was done out of love. Even in the great premortal council His offer to the Father was motivated by love for others, while the adversary’s was motivated by selfishness. The Savior’s mission was to give us life by allowing us to choose to love the Lord and follow Him. (See Moses 4:1–3.) The adversary’s goal was to take away our agency and thereby make it impossible for us to love, because it is impossible to love unless we choose to love. Love must come from within. It cannot be forced upon us. So for purposes of his own selfish aims, the adversary would have made it impossible for us to keep the first two commandments. He would have made us into nothing
The power of empathy is great. The voice is Brené Brown. She is the speaker from Ted that spoke about the connection between shame and vulnerability.
Four qualities of empathy from Theresa Wiseman (Florence Nightingale School of Nursing and Midwifery, Kings College London, London, UK)
- Perspective taking - the ability to take the perspective of another person. Or to recognize their perspective as their truth
- Staying out of judgement
- Recognizing and understanding emotion in other people
- Communicating your understanding of that persons feelings
Empathy is feeling with people.
Empathy is a sacred space.
Empathy is a vulnerable choice. In order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.
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Rarely if ever does an empathic response begin with "At least"
"I had a miscarriage" - "At least you know you can get pregnant"
To silver line an expression of difficulty or pain.
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Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.
"Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe"
Elder Holland gave a great talk in Apr 2013 called “Lord, I Believe”
In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited. In the growth we all have to experience in mortality, the spiritual equivalent of this boy’s affliction or this parent’s desperation is going to come to all of us. When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes. It was of this very incident, this specific miracle, that Jesus said, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” The size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue—it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the truth you already know. (emphasis in original)
This cartoon reminded me of a recent talk from Elder Holland
The Apostle Peter wrote that disciples of Jesus Christ are to have “compassion one of another.”1 In that spirit I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder, whether those afflictions be slight or severe, of brief duration or persistent over a lifetime. We sense the complexity of such matters when we hear professionals speak of neuroses and psychoses, of genetic predispositions and chromosome defects, of bipolarity, paranoia, and schizophrenia. However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.
Another useful story about handling depression
The message to me seems to be we must be willing to face the shame, real and perceived of depression and its relations. Be courageous. Be gentle. Be persistent.
"There are relatively few things that 'the servants' collectively have said with one united voice over time – and I accept those things as God’s will."
I thought of this quote as I considered the recent posting on lds.org about "Race and the Priesthood".
I see in the centuries that the church has been here, a clearing away of the branches which bring forth bitter fruit (Jacob 5:64-65). I see the Restoration continuing until the church and its people are wholly acceptable to the Lord.
Alma 32 tells us that we can experiment on the words that have a claim to be from God. Elder Bednar tells us that the Spirit can bring the truth unto but not into our hearts. Science can be real. But it certainly is not the only method to discovering what was, is and what will be.
The LDS church has posted an explanation of the different accounts of the First Vision of Joseph Smith.
On fall break my two older sons and I read Joseph The Seer by Steven C. Harper. It is a great, short read about the different accounts of the first vision and many other insight into the early history of the LDS church. I recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more the early beginnings of this church.
"Being vulnerable is essential to wholehearted living."
"You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever"
"Vulnerability is not weakness and that myth is profoundly dangerous"
Let me ask you honestly (and I'll give you this warning, I'm trained as a therapist so I can outwait you uncomfortably. So it you can just raise your hand, that would be awesome) How many of you, honestly, when you're thinking about doing something vulnerable or saying something vulnerable, think "Vulnerability is weakness". How many of you think of vulnerability and weakness synonymously? [short pause for hands to raise] The majority of people. Now let me ask you this question; this past week at Ted, how many of you when you saw vulnerability up here, thought is was pure courage? [another pause for hands]
Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as "emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty" It fuels our daily lives.
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Shame drive two big tapes [scripts or sayings], "never good enough" and if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?"
Confronting shame brings vulnerability. Vulnerability brings power
"Shame is not guilt. Shame is a focus on self. Guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is 'I am bad'. Guilt is 'I did something bad' "
"Here's what you need to know. Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders. And here's what you even need to know more, guilt is inversely correlated with those things."
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Shame is organized by gender...
For women the best example I can give you is Aun-geli, the commercial. "I can put the wash on the line. Pack the lunches, hand out the kisses, and be at work five to 9. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you're a man."
For women, shame is "Do it all. Do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat."
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For men shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one. Do not be perceived as weak.
Here is where it starts making the connection from shame to vulnerability.
Empathy is the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: "me too"
